There has been a lot of talk recently about Lil Nas X’s new video and I thought, perhaps, this is a good time to talk about a topic that has been on my mind. You guessed it: sex.
Sex is big part of spirituality, whether through religion or meditation and yoga, but it’s always been taboo. In my practice, I’ve had meditation teachers who ran away after I mentioned my own struggles with the subject.
In many spiritual books, sex is mentioned as “the thing you do to procreate.” It is not meant to be enjoyed nor a subject of attention. I’ve read books written by reputable yogis who called it a distraction. In the Bible or the Quran, it is a sin. And I can keep going.
So why does nobody want to talk about the thing that we all do more than anything else? Why is it such a shameful, and sometimes sinful, thing to talk about?
The answer is very simple: Most people don’t know what they are talking about. This isn’t to criticize anyone or any religion/ spiritual practice (I’ve practiced and studied many of them), but it is really that simple.
Sex has evolved since the times of Adam and Eve, as it should, because everything is constantly changing and evolving. That’s expansion. The universe is constantly evolving, expanding, and so is God.
Your body, even, as you’re reading this is no longer the body that you had a few seconds ago. Your cells are constantly dying and being replaced without your knowledge, and everything around you is forever transforming. That is the nature of our reality, whether you want to believe it or not.
Let’s talk about God. Who is God? Or better, what is God? This is a sensitive subject, so I’ll get right to the point. We put a lot of pressure on God, or the nature of what it is, and we make up all these judgments and laws around it. We believe that God is constant, solid. She puts us all on this earth like children on a playground, and watches us like a good parent , waiting for us to make mistakes, then reprimands us when we die.
This idea of the higher power that is God is not only wrong, it doesn’t make sense. I questioned it when I was a kid, and I still question it today.
Instead of giving the answers that I discovered in my own journey as to what God is, I just want to share this logic with you.
If we’re all God’s children and we are part of her, doesn’t that make us part Gods? Let’s take this a little further, does a part of pizza make the pizza any less pizza? (I love pizza).
Now that we’re all on the same page, wouldn’t you say that, that part of us that is God, is also expanding, as well as we are expanding? Changing?
Let’s take our parents as an example, prior to 1967, being gay (for instance) was still illegal in most parts of the world. I realize and understand this is still a big problem in most countries including the U.S., but for the sake of this argument, let’s just agree that the 60’s was the time of sexual awakening. Lots of brothers, sisters, uncles, parents etc have come out since. In some families, this isn’t even a problem anymore.
If our very conservative relatives can change their mind about whomever we choose to have in our beds, don’t you think that God is open minded enough to accept us for who we are?
So why is sexuality and sex still such a big problem? Why is it so shameful to not have “conventional” sex? Why is Lil Nas X bothered for being who he is?
Well, a few months ago, I had an honest sex talk with my mom regarding a previous relationship, and I took the opportunity to come out as kinky. (As a cisgender heterosexual man, I just want to point out that I do not take the words “coming out” lighly, I understand my privilege and I want to say that I merely use those words to make a point).
I did this because I had recently realized in therapy that being raised both Catholic and Muslim, I strongly believed in the negtaive connotations associated with the word, which led me in my adult life to be ashamed of who I am and that part of myself.
Additionally, I’ve been called “weird” in relationships for admitting that I don’t necessarily buy into the conventional ways of having sex. Though I do enjoy that also.
As a result, I’ve been more vocal about it in my next relationships, though, the guilt and shame never went away. My last breakup was pretty embarrassing and sex-related, so I decided that it was a good time to take back my power and explain to my parents how their parenting had affected my relationships.
Most importantly, I realized that my parents didn’t know me that well. They knew the kid that they raised and the troubled teenager but they didn't know who I had become as an adult, and that was important to me.
If they were going to be part of my “romantic life” from now, they needed to know who I was in relationships and why they didn’t work out.
This conversation has led to a bunch of others. Sex might be the main focus here, but starting this dialogue with my parents had led us to talk about my depression, spirituality, and even my recreational drug use. My parents didn’t know, for example, the depth of my spiritual practice. I shared with my mom some psychic experiences and was surprised to hear that she’d had some too after the death of her father, which all came true. It was a nice bonding experience and because of it I feel like my parents know me a little better.
I’m glad that it went well, and that we are now not only in the process of repairing our relationship as a family but my mom and I are now closer than ever - but it is a process.
Many people struggle to be themselves, and as difficult as it is to be your authentic self, it is very important that people accept us for who we are and not who they want us to be.
And sometimes, to make that happen, you just have to jump on the devil’s lap and give him a dance.
We live in a very diverse universe. We all have our place on this little blue rock floating in space that we call home. We all have to share it. We only have one life that we remember, and it’ll be wise to live it the way we want to, despite what others may think of us.
Being your authentic self is freeing, it takes a lot of work, courage and vulnerability to get there. But once you do, it’s the most amazing healthiest thing that you could do for yourself. And I wanted to share that with you.
I hope that you can get there, and for those who already are, it’s important to encourage and help others who might not have the same courage as you. Be nice, but most importantly, hold space for your friends, family members, partners who are still struggling with who they are. The world will be a little warmer because of you. Namaste!
P.S: As mentioned earlier, the topic of sex is not an easy thing. I struggled with this article. I wasn’t sure if I should write and my inner critic constantly bothered me with: What will people think? I finally decided to write this yesterday after hearing about the Lil Nas X story for the second time in one week.
Before that, a month ago, I was having a recurrent dream in which I owned a church but couldn’t get anyone to join, except for this little kid who often came for ice cream. There was another church just before us, much more popular with a cool pastor. The church was always full, and for some reason the pastor kept coming to us for advice or even sometimes to borrow things. One day, my only “follower” in the dream asked me if it didn’t bother me that the pastor’s church was always packed yet he always came to us for stuff. I thought about it in the dream and thought that it was a valid question, I wasn’t however bothered by it.
I am usually pretty good at interpreting dreams,but my energy has been low lately so I didn’t want to direct more energy to it.
On monday April 5th, I got a psychic reading from Kyle Gray, who is possibly the best “angel whisperer” that this world has ever seen. The card that came up was of Mary Magdalene and it read: You have something important to share.
I thought that it was interesting that Mary Magdalene showed up. If you are familiar with the Bible, you probably are aware of the reputation that was given to her. Yet Mary Magdalene is still one of Jesus’ best disciples.
Even that didn’t do it for me until everything came to me as I was “sharing my story” with a friend and realized that I needed to share this with a larger audience, or at least an audience that is not made of friends and acquaintances. There was clearly an energy that needed to be out and someone who needs to read this. So if you are out there, reading this, I hope you find the peace that you are looking for and this finds you well.
I take these things seriously, and I am still a little bit of a private person. My intentions therefore writing these personal essays are not for therapeutic purposes, I have a therapist and lots of good friends for that.
My goal is truly to help people, and I hope that I am able to. I can keep going with the “coincidences” that finally made me write this article but when you keep getting coincidences almost everyday for 6 weeks, at some point, you have to go: Ok, I get it, universe, I will do it.
Namaste!
