Understanding guilt, blame and how to be a good ally
I’m going to get right into it. I’ve been struggling with my practice lately - the voice of the ego has been louder than usual- and it’s been rather difficult to live mindfully and in the flow of love. So I thought I’d share my experience with you in the hope that my words give you some peace, in case you’re going through similar struggles. But before we start, I want to say thank you to everyone who liked my article on George Floyd and reached out or just commented on social media to say thanks. I often check on social media to just feel your love, and I’m very grateful for you and to have had an opportunity to share my truth with you.
When the thought of writing this article came to mind, it came from a place of negativity. I was going through some stuff in my life, and it showed up in my practice, in my life and in my writing.
I struggled to find the right words, the right topic, and the right way to express what I wanted to share without sounding either condescending or just plain confusing. I became so obsessed with wanting to “teach,” help. Though those seem like nice things to be obsessed with, it’s now clear to me that I was doing it in order to escape my <<reality>>.
I also became judgmental. Whilst my actions didn’t reflect my judgmental thoughts, I knew deep down that what I was writing was essentially criticizing all the “wrong” ways that allies are helping, and I can keep listing all the other ways that my human ego was manifesting itself into my reality, but I’ll just give you a few:
Arrogance, for thinking that I and I alone have all the answers and hold the only truth.
Self-centered, for a moment I forgot what this was really about, and it was never about me, at least, it shouldn’t be.
When I started this blog, I wanted to share my experience with meditation and spirituality, but I also really really wanted to help people, freely. In fact that was the only goal that I had. I knew my words will find their audience. I didn’t want to become an influencer nor a teacher. I hold no truth, and I’m no different nor better than anyone.
My low self esteem also came back, the feeling of not being (good) enough. I felt guilt, sadness, anger, saw lack where there’s abundance, envy, jealously, boredom , attachment, etc… all different expressions of the human ego.
My sense of oneness was shaken, and I started to separate myself from others. Everything became a source of unhappiness, an opportunity for the ego to manifest itself. Social media posts became irritating, every tweet or email on the black cause was a reminder of my skin color, in lieu of what it actually is: First step to healing, equality and essentially oneness.
And in the midst of all that, I essentially forgot who I really am:
A mere thought of the divine source energy, love, that which is and flows through all of us.
I made some mistakes, and I’m a better person for it. If it weren’t for those mistakes, I wouldn’t have basically scraped my entire original article and rewritten this.
Although my first draft was good, I found that it lacked the healing vibrations that this one has. And that’s really important.
Our actions, while important, are not as meaningful as the intentions behind them. This is the time for all of us to wake up to our true reality and start valuing being more than doing.
COVID-19 and the George Floyd’s death are just two examples of the many ways that the universe communicates with us, or gets our attention. This is the time for spiritual growth. 2020 didn’t start the way it did for no reason. I believe that we need to change, and that starts with our intentions.
In chapter 2.48 of the Bhagwad Gita, Krishna says these words to Arjuna:
“Yogastha Kuru Karmani : perform all actions from a place of steadiness, yoga.”
This doesn’t mean you should all start practicing yoga. The meaning of this phrase in the context that I’m presenting to you, is that every action should arise from good intentions. After all, all actions come from an intention.
The other lesson that I learned from my experience is the importance of forgiveness. Forgiveness for ourselves and forgiveness for others.
People make mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and we shouldn’t forget that. I know that there’s a no-forgiveness culture going on in our society right now, and by all means do as you wish, but think about this, our whole life is about second chances, and third, and forth etc. Every day we wake up, we get the opportunity to do better than the day before, to be better. We should be able to extend the same courtesy to people who share the same breath as us.
Third, it’s important for us to try to see the goods when the bad clouds everything.
For instance, during these past few months, we’ve seen and talked at length about the damage inflicted by COVID-19.
We pointed fingers at who started it, who is or isn’t wearing masks (you should totally wear a mask). We’ve seen, marched and talked about the protests around the world, but we’ve forgotten that we’ve also seen our friends leave toxic relationships, we’ve seen our friends who wanted to lose weight doing so, and we were so happy for them.
We’ve seen relationships get stronger and better. We’ve spent more time with families. We’ve called our friends more often. We’ve seen the true reality of money, good, but not that important. We’ve seen who our true heroes are, and we’ve seen giant corporations getting scared. We’ve seen many positive changes. And the more we see it, the better our lives will get.
And lastly, compassion. Compassion for yourself, not that you shouldn’t have compassion for others, but I believe that compassion for yourself can lead to compassion for others. The other way, not so much.
P.S : I want to emphasize, again, how unimportant guilt and blame are. I know this is how we are collectively expressing ourselves at the moment in our country, but there’s no need for us to manifest or experience these feelings, as they simply are expressions of the human ego created by thoughts and beliefs. They’re not going to help change our country or the world.
Be safe out there, Namaste.
Comments