Yesterday, like many of you, I was bombarded with text messages and news notifications on what’s happening in our country. Though I made the decision last year to stop feeding on politics, after being so depressed during the impeachment hearings that I could barely go to work or do anything, there really isn’t a way to escape this.
In one message, my friend described the people who overran the Capitol Building as babies throwing tantrums. In an attempt to help her feel better, I used her analogy to explain that even babies throwing tantrums, at some point, will have to stop. It’s on the parents to decide what to do in the meantime. They can yell at the babies, and be angry, disturbing their own peace, or they can wait it out.
But that didn’t help. Of course it didn’t help. Her answer was that these babies are big and have guns, and she was right. I failed to explain what I meant, so I am going to try to do it here.
What I learned from the messages I received yesterday was that these events are very real for a lot of people (including myself), and they can be very scary and stressful. Last year’s protests had a big impact on my mental health and my life. And they sure are, this year as well. The spiritual gibberish that attempts to help people remain calm, has no place here.
I learned last year that, despite everything, you come first. Your well-being and mental health comes first. Your happiness comes first, because, after all is said and done, you will be left with you to deal with you.
What I am describing here or perhaps, it is more accurate to say that where I am going with this, is the concept of Equanimity.
I cannot give you a magic word that will make everything ok, nor can I make everything actually ok. What I can share with you is what I’ve been doing and how it’s helping me dealing with these events better than it did last year. And here there are:
Yesterday, when things started and as I was receiving text notifications from friends and the news media, I started to listen to some soothing songs from artists that I used to like in high school. It helped for a little bit, then, the anxiety started to come up again. And then something happened.
My brain started to show me the images of the movie Titanic in my head and I was reminded of the people's reaction, when the boat started to sink in. There were many who wanted to do everything, anything to escape the inevitable, and there were those who decided to make love or play music as they were getting closer to their death. But there were also those who relied on crimes to feel better, to make their voices heard.
And I felt compassion for all of them, but also me. When these past few years felt like the end of the world, it’s really hard to know what’s going on people’s minds. And when you have one party encouraging the hate (for personal gain) that most people already feel because of the circumstances of their lives, you have the perfect recipe for what happened yesterday. It was inevitable. I wrote in one of my posts last year on the election, that engaging with hate only brings more hate. There is no other way around it.
But what you can remember and that I did remember yesterday is that the breath is also there for you. No matter what’s happening around you, you can always take a breath, you are breathing, right here, right now and you don’t even need to do anything for it to happen. I know, it’s silly but very effective in meditation but also in our active lives. So find your breath, because when you do, equanimity happens.
And I know equanimity sounds like a new-age passive hippy thing but it really isn’t. Equanimity doesn’t mean to be inactive or to sit in a lotus position while the entire world crashes around you, it is not bypassing or ignoring the chaos that is sometimes our lives. What it does do is, to help you keep a broad perspective and a clear mind when it comes to making decisions about the things that are happening in your life or around you. And when you are in that place, we avoid making decisions that can permanently affect our lives even as the storm passes.
Our minds tend to show you the worst in everything. It is conditioned that way, to protect us. But what it doesn’t know is what is real vs what it is not. The other day in meditation, I had a sensation that someone was putting crayons in my nose and though, it wasn’t real, it felt really real and I had all the sensations as if someone was actually really putting crayons up my nose. It was uncomfortable, painful but really it was just my mind trying to get my attention because I had been sitting in silence for quite some time and my mind is no longer used to these long periods of meditation so the only way for it to get my attention is to create the feeling of danger. And once I quickly figured that one out, the sensation went from crayons to being stabbed in the head over and over again with sharp knives.
Now my mind has a very dark way of scaring me. It might not be the same for everyone but the one thing that all of our minds have in common is that quality of : be very scared, be careful there’s danger coming.
What happened in Capitol Hill was horrible and distasteful but we were never really in real danger. Forgive the poor choice of words. But what I am trying to say is that these events were never going to affect our lives the way we think they will. We can be compassionate with the victims and be sad for what’s happening in our country but we can also see it for what it is, a small group of people expressed their anger in a very unhealthy way but they were clearly going to be arrested, stopped and things were going to get back to “normal”. So there were really no real reasons for us to stop everything and to engage in that kind of negativity that clearly will affect our lives, even when it needn’t to.
Again, I am not saying that we shouldn’t be angry or be reactive to what’s happening. That will be rather ironic, in many ways, I’ve been a victim of the 2002 Ivory Coast civil war but what I am trying to say is that spending hours on social media and fighting the other side only brings more anger and resentment to your life and it might even stop you from doing your job or just be there in the present moment, enjoying the company of your lover, partner or even family. No one needs that sort of negativity in their homes.
Besides there is a reason why your mind is pushing you this way. Spend some time and try to figure it out if you can.
In my case, with my meditation example, it was because I haven’t been running for some time. I injured my leg and haven’t been active for some time. I am walking with a cane and though I made peace with that, my mind still need to process the fact that I spend most of my time nowadays just sitting and not doing anything, so in my meditation practice and in my life, it bothers me, tries to pull my attention away from it and sometimes towards it but in doing so it stops me from seeing what actually is happening, I am ok, I was this close to get surgery, so I am very lucky, my legs need rest, I need rest and this is good for me.
So unless you are directly involved in this and this post doesn’t apply to you, I would suggest to take a break, do what you like, eat some cookies, a whole cake like I did yesterday, drink some wine, smoke, watch tv, spend time with your family, friends or listen to music, whatever you need to do, do it and make sure you are ok first and that’s equanimity and in a way compassionate to yourself then be compassionate to others.
There are still so many ways that you could help, stay engaged, so many people that you could call, check on, so many organizations that need your voice and your actions, so much more things to do.
And if none of those things are appealing to you, you could always just take care of yourself. That’s the best thing you can do to yourself and others
So in these unimaginable times, I want to tell you that I don’t have all of the answers and I cannot help you the way I want to but I can tell you to please help yourself first. Nobody else can, not the media, not the politicians, not even your friends or family. But if you help yourself first, you can make better decisions as to how to effectively help others without losing your job or relationships. Because that won’t help you either.
Namaste!